The Genius Of America
by pingo1387
Summary: A collection of one-shots showing how America contributed - whether on purpose or accidentally - to inventions and discoveries of his country from 1784 to 1902.
1. Bifocals

America had his head down on the table. He had just won his Revolutionary War, but he just felt so terrible for hurting the man who raised him.

Benjamin Franklin looked up from where he was sitting, writing out drafts of some report. He stood up and walked to where America was moping.

"There now, lad," he said in a comforting tone, "you'll get over it eventually." A hand reached out to pat America on the shoulder. America angrily yanked his head up and angrily flung a hand out.

"Ben, cut it out!" he yelled. "This really hurt me and him, and - oh God, sorry..." his wild blow had knocked Benjamin's spectacles off his face and onto the ground, snapping them cleanly in two.

Benjamin sighed. "It's alright, Alfred..." he stooped to pick up the pieces, but America beat him to it and grabbed the two pieces. He looked at them and asked, "So why do you wear glasses again?"

"Alfred, I have told you before, I am near-sighted. The lenses help correct my vision and what are you doing?"

America was holding up the left lens, which had been broken in two along with the bridge, and taking the pieces on top of each other. "In that case, bigger is better, right? If you really wanted good eyesight, why not just put these two together?"

Ben smiled at his apparent naïvete. "Alfred, my boy, just because you put two things together, it does not make them more powerful. Take, for instance-"

"Aw, come on, Ben!" America held out the pieces.

"Alright..." to humor America, Benjamin Franklin took the pieces and held them up to his eye. He blinked. Took them away. Looked at them. Held out his hand for the other half, which America handed to him. Compared the vision on both lenses, the doubled one and the single one.

He shook his head in wonder and smiled. "Alfred, lad, I believe that you are on to something here."

* * *

**So... most of the chapters will probably be about this long, depending on the invention / discovery.**

**Benjamin Franklin may have not been the first to invent bifocals, but he is generally attributed with the invention, and it is almost certain that he at least invented them independently.  
**


	2. Cotton Gin

America, standing with Eli Whitney atop a small hill, looked upon the scene of hundreds of slaves picking cotton, carrying the heavy baskets, and doing the painstaking task of sorting out the seeds from the precious white fluff.

Eli shook his head. "Gosh darn it, those poor folk have to work all day in the blazing sun. Dontcha feel sorry for 'em, Mr. Jones?"

America looked exceedingly uncomfortable. "Well, er, I can't really say... I mean, yeah, I feel sorry for them, but... it's kind of _necessary_, right?"

"Oh, of course it's _necessary_," said Eli, waving a hand. "I was just thinkin' whether there's a way to make their job any easier. Like that separatin' business - that seems to be the hardest." he glanced over. "You ever tried separatin' the seeds, Mr. Jones?"

"Well, no, not personally."

"I have. Sat down with them once and worked for 'bout an hour. Hardest darn thing I'd ever done."

America thought. "Well, if it's that hard... an easier way, huh... hm, did you ever watch the women bake?"

"Sometimes, why?"

"I was just thinking that, y'know how if the flour or whatever is kind of lumpy, they'll shake it through a screen, and that'll make it, um... what's the word... fine? And if we need to get out knots in our hair, we use a comb. So what if people could use a kind of... combination of those things? Like, both of them, but not exactly..." his voice trailed off when he saw Eli staring. "Okay, maybe it wasn't the brightest idea."

"No, that's brilliant!" Eli exclaimed. "And better yet, it could be a machine! People could simply... let's see now... pull some kinda lever or crank, and that... pushes the cotton!... pushes it up to a screen, no, a very fine comb... by George, you've done it, Mr. Jones!"

America grinned. "That's great! Less work for these folk!"

* * *

Eli Whitney and America watched the slaves, several months later, using the cotton engine, as named by Eli (though America had nicknamed it 'cotton gin'.)

"...that sorta backfired, huh, Mr. Jones?"

"...yeah..."

* * *

**The cotton gin, in its earliest form, was basically a rolling pin. Examples of this were found in Africa. Eli Whitney was the first to receive a patent for his cotton engine, cotton gin for short. It pushed the cotton, when a crank was turned, through a comb-like device, which separated the seeds and cotton, pushing the loose cotton aside as so not to get it tangled up in the machine. The cotton gin, designed to help take a load off of the slaves' backs, ironically created more work, as the masters could now sell even more cotton and keep up with higher demands. So there were even more slaves working longer hours.**


	3. Pacific Ocean

"Hey," said America, almost tripping over another stone, "thanks again for letting me come with you!"

William Clark scowled. "We didn't have much choice in the matter, Mr. Jones. You absolutely insisted on coming along as soon as the expedition was announced. Although we do appreciate your help in convincing Lady Sacagawea to join us." He looked fondly at the young woman with child leading the trail.

His partner, Meriwether Lewis, nodded. "That much, at least, is appreciated."

"I just think it's peculiar that we're doing this now," remarked America, walking a bit faster now. "'Okay, we just bought all this land from France, let's find out what we bought!'"

"But our journey so far has been rather successful," pointed out Clark. "Abundant pine trees, beautiful scenery..."

"Oh, I can't wait any longer!" America ran ahead and promptly fell over a cliff. Lewis, Clark, York, and Sacagawea hurried to where he fell.

"Mr. Jones!" called York in a deep voice. "Mr. Jones, are you all right?"

America stumbled to his feet in the sand and shook his head, trying to clear it. Luckily, he hadn't fallen very far; but if he had fallen almost anywhere else on the bluff, he would almost certainly have been severely injured. "I'm fine, everyone!" he yelled. Then he turned around and sat down in surprise.

"Mr. Jones," hollered Clark, "are you sure you're okay?"

Too moved to speak, America pointed to the scene ahead of him. Looking up, his four companions stared at the sight before them:

Ocean. Beautiful, deep, never-ending ocean.

Eventually, Clark stood up. He gazed out at the sea in wonder. "We did it. We found the Pacific Ocean. Well done, Mr. Jones!"

"Fantastic, but can you help me back up there?"

* * *

**The Pacific Ocean was first named by Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan, who is widely known for being the first man to circumnavigate the globe. The sea was re-discovered by Meriwether Lewis and William Clark, along with their slave York and their guide, the Native American Sacagawea. The men Lewis and Clark were sent on an expedition to explore the Louisiana Purchase, a large tract of land purchased very cheaply (two or three cents an acre, totalling to approximately $15,000,000) from Napoleon, who sold the land in order to profit from a land that they didn't have any use for and bring France back on its feet from the overthrowing of the monarchy. **


	4. Electric Telegraph and Morse Code

America leaned over Samuel Morse's shoulder, adjusting his glasses. "So what're you doing again?"

Mr. Morse sighed. "Mr. Jones, I believe I've told you before."

"Yeah, but I forgot."

"...alright... I'm trying to develop quick, long-distance communication by means other than pen and paper and messengers."

"...ooooh, yeah! So what's the problem?"

"I cannot figure out what kind of approach I should take."

"Hm..." America put a finger to his chin. "...you need something that goes really fast, right?"

"Yes."

"What about utilizing electricity?" suggested America. "That goes really fast, right?"

"And just _how _do you propose that electricity should be used in communication?"

America opened his mouth, closed it again, and thought. Ten minutes later he snapped his fingers. "I got it!"

"What?"

"What about... em..." he paused. "It's like... if you could somehow tap things out... that would send an electrical signal over wires! So what if you use a code?"

"A code?"

"Yes, for example... erm... let's say that... um..." he looked around, and finding nothing else suitable, settled for his fingers and the desk. He knelt and started tapping his fingers. "This could be an 'A'..." he tapped again, this time pausing in different places. "This could be a 'B'..." America was about to demonstrate a 'C' when he saw Mr. Morse staring at him. "Okay, never mind, maybe it's stupid..."

"Not at all, Mr. Jones!" exclaimed Samuel. "It's brilliant!"

"What...? I mean, of course it is!"

Mr. Morse was already sketching on a piece of paper. America leaned over to see.

"There!" he exclaimed at last, setting down his pen. America peered at the drawing and nodded.

"I don't really understand it that well... but it looks really cool, and that's all that matters!"

"If you say so, Mr. Jones," said Samuel with amusement. "Now, if it could just be built..."

"Hey, do you want to think of that code now?"

"I don't see why not." Samuel Morse pulled out another piece of parchment and held his pen over the page. "To keep it simple, what about having a series of long taps and short taps?" he stabbed his pen at the paper, creating a period, and then a quick stroke that made an underscore. "This one would be a 'dot', and this one a 'dash'."

"Okay! So how about an 'A'... that would go like..."

"Yes, and a 'B' would be..."

"Okay, and a 'C' here..."

* * *

**The electromagnetic telegraph was invented by Samuel Morse. He also co-invented Morse code (hence the name) with his assistant, Alfred Vail. The first test message sent by means of said telegraph was "WHAT HATH GOD WROUGHT". When sending a telegraph without Morse code, one puts 'STOP' instead of a period. For example, in a telegraph message, the sentences "Hello, my friend. I am fine." would be sent as "HELLO MY FRIEND STOP I AM FINE STOP"**


	5. Potato Chips

America scowled and pushed up his new glasses. He waved down a waiter. The waiter came over. "Is there something wrong with your food, Mr. Jones?"

"Yeah," said America, "I asked for my fries to be thinner! I said that very clearly! Take these away and bring me new ones." He sat back in his seat.

George Crum mumbled something indistinct, took the fries, and disposed of them. "He wants thin?" he grumbled. "I'll give him thin."

He immediately set to work, slicing two potatoes into extremely thin slices, and cooking them until they were quite firm. He walked back to the table with the basket of thin potatoes and set them down. "Here are your _extra-thin_ fries, _Mr. _Jones." He walked away, feeling rather satisfied. But it was only five minutes later when he was called back to the table.

He came back and growled, "Yes, what is it now?"

"These are fantastic!"

"Well, I'm sorry, but you _did_ say that you wanted - wait, what?"

America grinned and held up the empty basket. "Those thin fries tasted wonderful! May I have some more?"

Mr. Crum was amazed. A grin grew on his face and he nodded. "Certainly, Mr. Jones."

* * *

**This fact is uncertain, but it's a popular theory: Potato chips were invented by George Crum when he worked at a restaurant in New York. A picky customer complained that his french fries were too thin, so to annoy the customer, Mr. Crum cut the potatoes into paper-thin slices and deep-fried them. He brought them back and was surprised when the customer loved them.**

**FYI, this is in 1853, so America is starting to approach the Civil War. Just thought you should know why he was in a bad mood - his headaches are getting worse. **

**And speaking of which, I will probably not do any inventions that were - for lack of a better word - invented during the Civil War because my head-canon is that America was basically in a coma while his two sides battled it out in his mind. In other words, he would not be around to 'help' anyone.**


	6. Telephone

"Hey! Mr. Bell, over here! Overrrooooah-"

Alexander Graham Bell turned around at the sound of America's voice. The latter was currently on the ground, having tripped over his own foot.

"Are you alright, Mr. Jones?"

America stood up. "Yeah, I'm fine. But more importantly, take a gander at _this_!" He proudly held up two metal cans with a long string attaching them, each end tied into a small hole in the bottoms of the cans. Mr. Bell stared.

"That's... _fascinating_, Mr. Jones. Now if you'll excuse me-"

"No, I don't think I will! You haven't seen what it can do!" He handed one of the cans to Alexander, who reluctantly took it. "Okay, now you stay here and put the can up to your ear while I go over here!"

He ran to another spot, extending the string to its full length. Giving it a quick tug to make sure it was taut, he held it up to his mouth and spoke into the can.

"Alex, can you hear me?"

Mr. Bell's eyes widened at the sound of America's voice coming through the can. He looked up and saw America expectantly holding his end up to his ear. Leaning in, he spoke into the can.

"Yes, I hear you, Mr. Jones. How-?"

"Well," said America, as Mr. Bell quickly put his can to his ear in order to hear him more clearly, "I figured out that our voices kind of move along the string and go to the other can! Isn't that interesting?"

"..."

"Mr. Bell?"

"Oh! Yes, it's interesting, Mr. Jones. In fact, I believe I'm getting an idea."

"Great!" said America, who was now standing next to Alexander. "What is it?"

"How in the heavens do you move so quickly?"

* * *

"Now, Mr. Jones," said Alexander Bell five months later in a small room, "remember to hold this battery acid aside very carefully. It burns when it comes in contact with human skin."

"Will do, sir!"

Mr. Bell cleared his throat and prepared to speak into his rudimentary telephone, prepared to address his assistant, Watson, who was sitting in another room. But before he could utter a word, America tripped and the acid went flying all over Mr. Bell's pants. He stifled a gasp of pain and exclaimed into the telephone, "Watson, come here, I need you!"

He set down the telephone and glared at America. "Do you ever listen to a word _anyone_ tells you?"

"No."

"What did you trip over, anyway?"

He shrugged.

Watson came running into the room.

* * *

**The first telephone was invented by Alexander Graham Bell, an inventor of Scottish origin who lived in the U.K., U.S., and Canada. The telephone was invented while he lived in the U.S. *The first words he spoke were to his assistant, Watson, saying 'Watson, come here, I need you,' after he accidentally spilled battery acid on himself. (The acid was being used as a transmitting liquid.)* Telephones soon became quite popular in America, and quickly spread all over the world.**

***This incident is unconfirmed, but the result of Watson hearing something that Mr. Bell said and coming into the room is indisputable.**

**Anyway, sorry about the late-ish post, wouldn't load for a while ^^;**


	7. Lightbulb

**Heeey, minna-sama :) sorry this is kind of late, but today's Thanksgiving in America, so I was helping set up things and then the lunch/dinner lasted for many hours :P**

* * *

Thomas Edison tapped his pen against his forehead, staring at the blank sheet of paper in front of him. An oil lamp sat in front of him, the supply slowly burning. America strolled over in the dim light and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hi, what're you up to?"

Mr. Edison jumped and glared. "Mr. Jones, kindly do not interrupt me while I'm working."

"Sorry, sorry. So what are you working on?"

Thomas gestured to the oil lamp. "I'm attempting to come up with a different source of light. Oil lamps like these are fire hazards - if you knock one over, things will go up in flames within sixty seconds. But the problem is, where would the light come from, if not fire?"

He stared at the paper for a moment more before sighing and turning down the lamp. "My mind is simply blank. I'll try tomorrow."

Turning around, he saw a sudden flash of light above him, as well as a surprised "Ow!" from America. Turning the lamp up again, he saw America moving his arm down from his hair.

"Mr. Jones? What exactly caused that light?"

"Light? Oh, it was probably from the static electricity of my hair. It's so cold this time of year here-"

The two men stared at each other before shouting, "That's it!"

* * *

**Thomas Alva Edison is best known for inventing the incandescent lightbulb. He experimented with filaments, testing different kinds and lengths before finding one that burned (glowed) for 13 and 1/2 hours straight. Within just a few months he had received a patent and the first streetlight was installed.**

**As an added note, another company (years later) made a different type of bulb - one of which is still burning today, after 110 years. It's called the Shelby Bulb and no one's sure why it's still burning (it's only a 60-watt bulb).**

**Anyway, happy Thanksgiving to you Americans ;)**


	8. Aeroplane

**Aaaaand we're into the 20th century, folks! I actually expected more inventions before this one came along, but... *shrugs***

***Sorry for the late-ish update ^^***

* * *

The two brothers, Orville and Wilbur, were seated at a table in their bicycle repair shop, and they were bent over papers - papers on aeronautics, on birds (their wings in particular), and even some designs from Leonardo Da Vinci.

"Whatcha doin', fellas?"

The Wright brothers jumped and simultaneously turned to glare at America, who had crept up behind them and was peering over their shoulders. "Mister Jones," said the younger of the two, "would you mind at least makin' some noise when you're behind us?"

"Sure." Taking a deep breath, America started yelling at the top of his lungs.

"Shut up!" Wilbur covered his ears along with his brother Orville.

"Okay." He stopped. "So what're you two doing?"

Orville, the younger one, gestured to the papers. "Tryin' to build a flying machine."

America stared at them and burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?"

His laughter died down. "Seriously?"

They nodded.

"Sorry, fellas, it's just... that was really unexpected. How would you even get the machine off the ground?"

"Well, Mister Jones, that's what we're _working_ on. If you'll excuse us..." they turned back to the papers. America opened his mouth, closed it again, and shrugged. He walked over to some of the bicycle wheel tubing, took one, grabbed a pipe, and started using the pipe to roll the circular rubber around the shop. It was on that date that Alfred F. Jones set a new record for crashing a wheel tube, himself, and a pipe into supplies for bicycle repairs.

Wilbur and Orville rose and hurried to the mess. America was laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. They helped him to his feet, and Wilbur noticed that he still clenched the bicycle tube. By this time, America had snapped out of it and was bringing up the tube. He groaned and held it up for them to see.

"Um... sorry."

The tube was twisted out of shape, bent like a Möbius strip. Orville started to yell at him, but Wilbur stopped him.

"Hold on a moment, Orville." He took the tube from America and examined the twist. "I think _this_ is what we've been tryin' to accomplish!"

Orville looked at the tube confusedly before brightening and nodding. "You're right, Wil!"

They ran back to the table and started excitedly sketching out plans, showing each other and talking quickly. America stared before picking up a different bicycle tube and rolling it.

* * *

Alfred cheered with the others as Orville Wright touched down on the aeroplane like his brother before him. Clambering out of the plane, he strolled up to America and said, "Mister Jones, how'd you like to give her a shot?"

America's eyes widened. "Really? You'd let me do that?"

"Sure! After all, you're the one who helped us greatly with that wing problem (even if it was by accident)."

"Wow! I'm honored!"

He hurried up to the plane and took off with a running start. His flight lasted longer than any one of the others'.

* * *

**The Wright brothers (Orville, the younger one, and Wilbur, the older of the two) first partnered up to open a bicycle repair shop in order to take advantage of the current bicycle craze. Talk soon turned to that of a flying machine, and basing their work off previous designs from da Vinci, Cayley, and Chanute, they got to work. Wilbur had the idea for wing-warping (in order to better control the flight) when he idly twisted a bicycle tube. In total, they made four moderately successful test flights - these first flights all took place at Kitty Hawk, if my information is correct.**

**Okay, everyone, listen up: this was the last *major* invention of the United States. I'm so sorry, I seriously expected there to be more inventions (I was shooting for at least 10 more chapters). (This probably had to do with things that I thought were invented here but actually were invented in other countries). Anyway, this means that the story's done. Again, I apologize profusely for no more chapters.**

**Story's done. Thank you for all your support, minna-sama~!**


End file.
